Rem's Game
by Terranigma
Summary: Have you ever wondered if Vash was a little weird in the head? Well It so happens that someone has discovered his diary revealing all kinds of dark secrets, one being the bases for all his sharpshooting ways and being a drifter: Rem's Game. CHAPTER 3 UP!!
1. Default Chapter

rems_game

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or any of it's characters, besides, I'm not making money off of this thing so BACK OFF!!!!  
  
Chapter 1: The Painful Beginning  
  
  
  
I layed back and removed the glove from my right hand to study the numerous scars I had acquired from all the fights I'd been in... and the games I had played with Rem... I opened my dairy to reminisce...  
  
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Day 1: I was born. I wondered why the hell was I in a lightbulb, and what the hell a lightbulb   
was. I found my twin beside me. I kicked him, he squirmed. Yup, he was alive.  
  
Day 2: I learned to speak. It was really annoying at first trying to use sign language for communitcation. Why do voice boxes have to develop so damn slow?  
  
Day 3: I grew hair. Big woo.  
  
Day 4: They promoted me from guinea pig to crew member. I feel privileged, I really do.  
  
Day 5: I learned how to write (previous days were actually written on day 5)  
  
Day 25: I learned I had an IQ of 251. It's not really all that amazing when you realize I'm only 25 days old.  
  
Day 26: I was allowed to walk out of my lightbulb to find out thatt everyone live in one huge lightbulb floating in space (I still don't know what a lightbulb is)  
  
Day 27: I met Rem, she was really nice to everbody and would always smile.  
  
Day 28: I learned abot about the XsheepsX ship's XnavagattionalX navagational system.  
  
Day 29: Someone gave me an eraser  
  
Day 30: They stopped calling me weirdo and gave me a name: Vash  
  
Day 31: They gave my twin the name: Peanuts. He wasn't happy about it.  
  
Day 32: I found out what pain was by accident today, I spilt hot coffee on   
Peanut's lap. He screamed and ran around the room calling for   
water. I realized that water was a main ingredient in coffee, so I   
poured more on him. He screamed again and yelled at me to get him   
cold water. I looked in the refrigerator and found some liquid   
nitrogen. I poured that on his lap, but he screamed more and said   
that I had the IQ of mayonnaise. I said thanks and felt happy that I   
had done something good today.  
  
Day 33: I found out what mayonnaise was. I didn't like being insulted, so I took   
a piss on Peanut's bed. Everyone laughed at him, they said thing like   
You have an IQ of 389, but you can't control your bladder!!??' and   
kept laughing.  
  
Day 43: We landed on an alien planet looking for some minerals that we could use for fuel. We encountered some hostile being, so we had to shoot them. Rem smiled and laughed the whole time she shot the aliens, even the dead ones; from then on I knew she would be a fun person to hang around.  
  
Day 56: Today Rem got demoted for loosing her temper at Peanuts on the   
bridge. She walked into our room and mumbled something like I'll show them temper...'   
She smiled at Peanuts and picked up a two kitchen knives and started to poke Peanuts   
repeatedly with them. Even though Peanuts was screaming the whole time I reckoned it   
was game since Rem had a smile on her face. That's how our games started, and how   
Knives got his new name. She gave him a big white shirt to cover his   
wounds. I asked her why she was covering them. She said to me that it was the main objective of the game, give people wounds where people can't see them. She told me the first 4 rules of her game: First, you do not talk about Rem's game, Second, you do not talk about Rem'sgame, third, you do not talk about Fight Club (whatever that is), and finally, make sure the wounds can not be seen. She said that was thefun part.  
  
Day 57: I was getting good at Rem's game! I stabbed Knives 87 times and no one noticed! He kept on complaining, so I smashed a flower pot on his head to make him sleep for a while. His hair conveniently covered up the bruise, but I wanted to be cautious, so I gave him a hat.  
  
Day 59: Rem tied me to an altar today. It was cool, it was in the shape of an upside-down star with a circle around it. I think she called it a pentagram. She poked me with needles all over my body. I started to bleed and asked her if anyone would notice. She said no one would if I put on bandages.  
  
Day 60: I played the same thing with Knives. He kept squirming and screaming. If anyone heard him they would come to see what happened, then they would see all of Knives' wounds, so I did the flower pot thing. Looks like Knives would be wearing his favorite hat today.  
  
Day 357: I have almost mastered Rem's game. Knives is completely awful at the game, he can never seem to hurt anyone. He tried to punch me one time, but missed. Rem punished him for being too weak' by pouring hot wax on him. She really was the master; I didn't even notice the wounds he had.  
  
Day 358: We went to the meadow again. As I walked, I saw a butterfly traped in a spider's web. Knives crushed the spider and rambled on about spiders and butterflies. I knocked him to the ground and yelled, I wanted to save them both...for later! Everyone could see the spider was dead! I would have injected hemlock into it so no one would notice. Knives always ruins my fun. To punish him, I poured the hot wax this time. Rem said she was proud of me.  
  
Day 359: Rowan shot Mary in the cargo bay. Rem was very upset since any idiot could see the bullet wound. He tried to shoot Knives in the head, but that was way too obvious of a shot, and Rem wouldn't stand for it. She tried to get the gun away from him so she could flower pot' him; unfortunately, the commander opened the hatch and ejected Rowan into space. The result: Rowan imploded. Mary imploded as well— talk about making a bad situation worse. Now that was definitely way to obvious for anyone. Rem got mad at the commander. It seems he isn't very good at the game. After the little incident, the ship needed to be evacuated because the ship's navigational path had been altered. Rem decided to stay behind and fix the problem. I didn't want Rem to leave, otherwise how will we play her game anymore? How will she get to tie me to the alter? After Knives and I landed, I found out Knives as the one who alterted the ship's course. I almost applauded him, except for the fact that the ship exploded. Everyone could see that, even other planets! Later that night I thought about smashing his head with a rock, but I realized that I had lost the cover up hat. So I just went back to sleep.  
  
Couple of years later...  
  
Day 1 of the year: I'm really bored, for the past few years I've tried to play the game, but the only person around was Knives, each time I tried to play with him, he'd always complain. We found a ship and Knives went in it.  
  
Day3: Knives finally came out, I was so bored I played the game with some lizards. Knives said it was utterly disturbing how I slit their necks and still managed to make them seem alive. He gave me a gun and said it would help me kill the humans. I don't need a gun to kill, I use my trusty flower pot, or kitchen knife for maximum stealth killing ability. I accidentaly shot him in the leg, it was horrible! the wound was ozzing with blood for everyone to see! Rem would be ashamed of me, I just ran. I hate myself I hate myself!!  
  
Year2003: It has been a long time since I have written anything in here.   
Rem's game was the only thing that kept me going these past hundred   
years. I found out that a gun is more effective than any flowerpot at   
the game. Over these years I developed my skill to the extream, I can   
hit a man's armpit from 1 miles away! An armpit wound is VERY hard   
to see.  
  
Day2: I found out that one of Rem's relatives lived in July town or something.   
I was so excited to meet him, maybe he could teach me a higher level   
of the game! I arrived there to see him dead, face down in a puddle of   
his own blood. Knives was sitting right next to him. I was so pissed   
that he shot him in the chest. ANYONE can see a chest wound. I   
reached for my gun, but he shot first, and *LOP, there went my left   
arm. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE THAT!!!??? My arm was   
gone, I guess I could get a robotic one from that nice old guy in that   
spacepod. Anyway, he snapped his fingers and my right arm became   
an angel arm. I was REALLY mad now! I forgot all my teachings of   
hidden wounds and slow painful suffering, and I shot him. It blew up the   
whole entire town! Now EVERYONE, even the ones on different planets,   
could see that one!!!  
  
Day359: So many days have passed, I wish I had some donuts. I was so bored yesterday I was contemplating on different ways of spelling it: doughnut, doenut, donaught, dohnut, doanut, doghnaight, d'oghknutte, and finally doughnought. Today however was very interesting. A group of bounty hunters were trying to kill me and claim that 60 billion double dollar reward, as usual. I was just trying to have a nice drink when a stupid boomerang cut the bar in half. Everything was destroyed, except for my seat, since the sign shielded me, poor sign. I decided to play the game, too bad I didn't have any bullets loaded. I was considering the flower pot method, but I decided now was not a good time to revive old habits. I ran and dodged bullets until I got captured. I didn't know what to do, until some girls came along. they claimed they were from an insurance agency. Through all the commotion I got away, as did the girls as well. While I was chowing down on some abandoned donuts, the insurance girls came up to me. One was kinda short with shiny black hair trimmed about the ears; the other one was tall and somewhat heavy in build, she had long brown hair that hung all the way to the small of her back. The small one gave me $10 and told me to tell the nearby towns to run away. After they left I considered their offer. $10 to miss out on a fun time with the bounty hunters playing Rem's game? I think not. I came back to discover the two bounty hunters allied with each other against me as well as capturing the insurance girls. I slid down the hill and shouted to get their attention, boy those guys were bad shots! I could've dodged all day! I led the big guy near the cliff. He started rambling on about killing me, I just smiled knowing what Rem's game had in store for him. He threw his boomerang, quite haphazardly I might add, hoping he would hit me. Would a newbie like him actually hit a rem's game veteran? I don't think so. I lept over his boomerang and sailed over to his right side. I took the conveyer belt thing he had on and put it on reverse. It was most satisfying to hear his arm snap. *Rem's game tip kids!: Internal wounds are the best wounds. The mustache guy tried to shoot me again, but instead he found that boomerang in his face. Ouch! I couldn't even see much visible blood. I am sooooo good at this. Those girls still don't belive I'm Vash the Stampede, the man with a 60billion double dollar reward on his head. I would've turned myself in for the reward if it wasn't for that death penalty thing. I hate death, the bodies rot after awhile, and even a baby can tell if someone's dead. After that refreshing game I started off in the sunset looking for some new   
  
  
  
I hope you all liked it, remeber, this is an out of character thing, so don't flame me saying that Vash isn't a sick twisted little cookie. I'll have the next chapter done in a few days, maybe a few weeks if I'm unlucky. I would love to hear some suggestions and comments, so READ AND REVIEW!!


	2. Rem's Game Chapter 2: Yiddish Hamsters

rems_game_part2

Disclaimer: My usual, F*%$ OFF YOU COPYRIGHTS PPL, I DONT OWN ANYTHING!! thingy.  
  
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Terranigma creations presents...  
  
  
  
  
  
Rem's Game chapter 2: Yiddish Hamsters  
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Vash sneezed abruptly before turning the page to his diary. He remembered how he got to know those insurance girls: Milly and Meryl.  
  
  
  
  
  
Day1 (After meeting insurance girls): Another uneventful day, all that happened was the usual town being destroyed bit. It always gets blamed on me for some odd reason. I told them I didn't destroy that town, but who are you going to believe, a most wanted super criminal, or a rookie bounty hunter. Apparently my testimony wasn't that convincing, so I just left and journeyed onward. I saw a wanted ad when passing by a town. The ad said, Looking for a bodyguard who is strong as Vash the Stampede. Well who would be as strong as Vash himself, so I replied to the ad. The guy was really weird, I just came up to the door and he already knew I was Vash.   
  
Day 4:A few days passed; I really am having fun at the mansion; lots of hiding places to fire my tranquilizer gun at the old man. He always knocks out, them I always tie him to the roof. He asks me how he gets there, but I just reply it was those assasins. He doesn't seem to belive me; his reason is that assasins don't ususally draw pentagrams on their victim's chests with goats blood. Hey ANYONE can use goats blood, and the pentagram was a very popular symbol back in the day. I need some more entertainment if I'm going to stay here any longer.  
  
Day 5: Yep, I decided to stay a while longer. It isn't because a extreamly pretty girl named Marriana arrived, it's just that I feel that I have a responsibility to honor my contract (yeah right, oops, did I write that? Where is my eraser?!)  
  
Day 6: Some people knocked on the door today, and it so happened to be those insurance girls. It really is a coincidense I saw them again, because usually after I meet people they end up in mental hospitals, i wonder why? They talked to my boss about the assasins and other boring things. Then he introduced them to Marianna, thats when I put on my serious face. The shorter one took my boos into the back room to talk about silly things like: He's not Vash the Stampede, he's just some tall, big, stupid, brush headed fool who can't tell the difference between a gunshot wound and a stab wound. I was insulted, a gunshot wound usually has a spiral pattern in the inside and a smaller exit spot (because of the lost velocity) and a stab is usually in the form of a slit, unless you twist the blade, that makes it more painful. She told him that she and her friend would stay as free body guards. Later that night I just wondered about and saw them working in the kitchen. I decided to ask about the status of dinner. The short one called me a penis wrinkle, I'm not really sure if that was a complement or not. The tall one said that the shorter one was having her period. I'm not really sure what a period was, but I heard it involved blood, so I asked if I could watch. The short one turned really red and was waving a kitchen knife at me, heh heh, good ol' memories of Rem and her games with knives. The tall one told me to go or I would get fired for not looking out for the assasin. so I went. I walked by to hear that water was running in Marriana's room. That could mean two things: 1. that she was taking a shower; or 2. an assasin was drowning her, even though there was no sound of struggle. Not to take anychances, I decided to check it out. From the door would be too conspicuous, so I decided to lower myself useing a rope to the window. I found no one there, it kinda made me depressed that there was no action anywhere, assassin action that it (you pervert). The rest is just really boring stuff: wrestling with the short insurance girl, she's really strong, and finding and underground passage. I thought it was just another Sacrificial pit, but to my surprise my boss and Marriana were playing Rem's game! I decided to jump in and show them how it was done. I'm sorry, but my boss really sucked at this game, he never could hit me! So i did a little of my work, he overreacted and blew up his water supply. What a sore loser! The towns people got their water, and I had won another round at Rem's game. I left, not trying to start things up with Marianna, she said shed arrest me if I was Vash. I was excited when she said something about handcuffs, but the jail cell thing sounded incredibly boring.  
  
Day 17: The past few days were interesting. Just the usual: having a drunk guy fix my gun so I could save the town, defeating a corrupt sherif from destroying the town type of situations; a walk in the park. The town I was in knew I was Vash, so they tried to kill me. It was a Rem game FFA! Reminds me of Rem's version of hide and seek, only no acid or homing missiles (those hurt). This Nebraska guy tried to kill me for the reward on my head. When the dust cleared from the impact of his fist, I decided to make an entrance; something I like to call badass time. He was a very bad shot, he accidentally shot his hand in the direction of the innocent bystanders. I decided to see how strong his hand was. I shot it 5 times and he started to cry like a baby! No threshold for pain what-so-ever! He goes in the category Rem liked to call Since I wasn't very hungry I just shot his arm. That was a best game I've had in day, it makes me wanna make LOVE AND PEACE!  
  
Day 19: Someone from my past showed up, even though I didn't know it at first. She was a real woman! I mean that she was very intelligent, it had nothing to do with her physical attributes of course. She and I switched rooms for some odd reason, maybe she wants to smell the manly musk I left in the room, or maybe it was the fact that there was a homicidal maniac in her room...besides me. This guy out of nowhere leaped at me with these blade things. Blades are very efficient at hurting a person without showing visible wounds, I learned that from Rem's with Knives. I broke his blades by shooting at it, not very strong material at all! I decided to show him my favorite part of the game that I like to call He chickened out and ran. Hmff, what a wuss. He accidentally left his grenade behind, I tried to give it back to him, but since it was activated I really had no choice in the matter. The next day I went to the plant to see how things were going. The plant had a malfunction so I went to investigate. That same guy was there! I defeated him (like there was any doubt in my mind), and found out that that cute girl was out to get me! It was for a good reason though, she was mad about destroying July town. Who wouldn't you could see the damage from miles away! Rem would've been so disappointed if she knew that disaster was my handy work. It was a dark spot in my history. She tried to self destruct the plant, but I just talked to old Bob not to by saying self destruction was so 100 years ago (plants are very conscientious about fashion). After I settled that little problem, she held me at gunpoint wanting to kill me. I told her that I didn't die because the explosion would destroy the town. If I let the own be destroyed I might as well hang a BIG sign saying: VASH THE STAMPEDE SUCKS AT REM'S GAME!! I told her she would be just like me. She started to cry for some reason, I guess those were tears of joy, for the fact that I am the best player (Rem's game that is you pervert) in the universe! I decided to leave the town though, my work was done again. Milly and Meryl finally know me as Vash, and I played an excellent game as well. I left by train to seek new games to play, Rem style of course.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's note: SORRY SORRY FOR THE DELAY. I was so busy these last few weeks so I didn't get any time to write. Busy with school and Diablo II, Damn frickn' digital crack! Ahem anyway I would love to hear feedback, and please no flames, I have no time for that.  
And by the way, if you haven't noticed Everyone in this story is OOC.


	3. Rem's Game Chapter 3: Like Shooting Fish...

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun, I don't even own a gun.  
  
Terranigma Creations presents...  
  
  
Chapter 3: Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel  
  
  
Day...whatever: The train I'm riding on is really fast. I use its speed to my advantage. Did you know you can shoot a pedestrian in the foot and be gone in 3 seconds? He never knew what hit him haha...I mean, that would be very interesting to try out. I have to get me one of these trains. It seems Meryl and Milly are working at food stands to earn their fare. Meryl always gets mad at me when I come by. She gets mad over the smallest things, like putting my feet on the table or throwing knives at the customers. Knives... I kinda wish your name was still Peanuts, I don't know why. Nitro glycerin, heh heh, those were good times. Its not as boring on the train as I'd thought it be. I got a chance to practice my flower potting skills again. It is especially fun when you have lots of nooks and crannies to hide in. The captain has been questioning people about the so called When he asked me I was completely honest, I said that I was doing some flower arranging during the attacks. Yes, I do think flowers would look good embedded in the captain's forehead, and I could blame it on the anthrax...what is anthrax? Never mind.  
  
Day 2: I was so bored that I nearly jumped off the train. That was until the hijackers came. They took the crew hostage, took control of the train and decided to run it off of a cliff to open the safe. Amateurs. I made my way to the front of the train where I peered through the window. I saw a big guy pointing a gun at a boy's head. Now I wasn't just about to let a head shot go through! Someone without a head is very noticeable. So I shot only to break the glass of the window. A thousand glass cuts is always better than a missing ear. After jumping off the train, the boy helped me get back to the bridge. He told me that he didn't understand why I didn't kill people. So I told him about my philosophy. He called me a sick bastard; I'm not sure if that was a complement or not, so I just ignored it and made my way to the bridge. Just to sum up real fast what happened: I dueled the gang leader and saved the train. My reward, a tape recording of various screams from the gang members I encountered. I do need more than words to describe this memorable day.  
  
Day 3: Well the bus I am riding on isn't as fast the train, but it keeps me happy. Happy because we are in the desert. Now in Rem Game math: heat + metal object = pain. All the people here are miserable and no gunshot wounds. I think Rem called this something like subtle torture. Along the route the bus picked up a most interesting character, a chain smoking priest named Nicholas D Wolfwood. I asked him if I could call him Paddywhack, but he preferred Wolfwood better. After some talking he realized I was Vash the Stampede, the sixty-billion double dollar man. We became good friends even though he kept poking me with his gun barrel (gun barrel as in the gun nozzle you naughty yaoi fan) and coaxing me to come with him to the closest police station (police station as police station you naughty yaoi fan). I told him police stations were the coolest places to be since the cops don't mind if you shoot at them; in fact they are glad and play along by firing back. He was very quiet after that little comment and then he pulled out a tiny sized church and asked me if I wanted to have a confession. I didn't take his offer, but I informed him about my opinion on churches. I said that churches are great places too because they have lots of funerals there, and the dead bodies at the funeral look so alive that you couldn't tell that they were dead in the first place. Those funeral guys sure can cover up wounds; they would make great Rem Game players. He punched me in the face and called me a sick bastard. I'm still not sure if that was a complement or not, so I just ignored it. The bus broke down just before I was about to explain to him what Rem's Game was. Everyone decided to go out for a stretch just then. About when the passengers were coming back in the bus, a hysterical woman asked for some people to help her find her child. I volunteered of course, being the caring individual that I am. I could finally practice my sharpshooting and hunting techniques again, but then she said to please make sure her child come to no harm, so I put my pistol away. Wolfwood came along with me into the desert to help find the missing child. A peaceful walk in the desert and what comes by? A troupe of killer robots, and what do I find among those robots? The missing child. So I decided I would have a little fun with these newcomers, but Wolfwood beat me to the punch. Before I could decide how I would arrange the parts to make a pentagram, Wolfwood was already flashing my knife (flashing my knife as in flashing my knife you naughty yaoi fan), that I had given him, at them. He was really good with his knife, almost made me envious; being skilled with sharp objects and having the ability to make a dead body look alive, man I was green. After dealing with the robots we discovered that the robots were coming from an underground lair. We went down into the lair and fought off somemore of the mechanical fiends. During our time down there we traded off our own philosophies about killing. Wolfwood's was that killing is sometimes necessary. I told him that killing was unacceptable, because you can save the victim for later and that dead bodies lose the ability to scream. He punched me in the face again and called me a sick bastard. Twice in one day, must be a complement. The robots were protecting a plant. Wow, it brought back a lot of memories. Too bad this plant wasn't a part of a crew on a super special ship with the ability to restore human civilization or have a twin brother named Peanuts who was now known as Knives. I told the plant that I would put it in a flower pot and bludgeon people with it if it didn't stop making visible wounds on people. It agreed and I told it that the foot and armpits are the best places to shoot at. Wolfwood had no idea what I said to it, so I claimed that I had just pulled the plug. We came back to the bus with the child and resumed our trip. On the bus I had to sit next to Meryl because Wolfwood got comfortable with Milly (comfortable as in comfortable you naughty non-yaoi fan). Meryl kept bugging me about going around and saying who I was. She still didn't figure out that I used my name to attract more At the first city we stopped at Wolfwood got off. We said our goodbyes and he walked off into the sunset. Nicholas D Wolfwood, a potential Rem's Game legend. I wonder what is that big cross is for? Maybe it's his equivalent to a flowerpot.  
  
Day 5: Some of the local children in the town I am currently staying at have become quite fond of me. I am training them to become Rem's Game player by teaching them how to wrestle. There is almost nothing better than a broken or twisted limb that looks like any other ordinary limb.  
  
Day 10: So far my plan for the kids to acquire early osteoporosis is coming according to plan. Anyway today I woke up and did my usual breakfast training routine. Gunpowder and eggs is the breakfast of champions. I tried to get some girls do be my pseudo sacrificial victims, but the ketchup thing never works, not like blood at all, not salty enough. I followed the quiet kid back to his family's restaurant where his mother was managing everything. I liked his mother mostly because her skin color would go very well with my altar. I walked in and who do I find? Wolfwood. I asked him if he was helping her because of the altar thing and asked what was I doing with an altar. I told him and he said that I needed professional help. I was confused until I realized I WAS professional help. The mother was in financial distress (another form of torture) and Wolfwood decided to do something about it. He entered me in a gunslinging contest. I was too happy because everyone knew if you shot someone or not because that's what they came to watch people do there. He calmed me down by saying that no one would mind if I shot them. I was one happy one armed gunslinger.  
  
Day 11: Well I arrived at the contest to see that the competition looked tasty-er-I mean strong. Since I wanted to have as much fun as I could, I entered Wolfwood in the competition too. I will assess his Rem Game potential to see if he can become as great as me. He wasn't too thrilled to find out that I entered him, he said he would enjoy shooting me. It got me really excited to hear that. It is always pleasant to see other people with my same interests. I shot my way through the other competitors (literally), and made it to the finals against Wolfwood. He said that he was going to withdraw out of the competition. That really made me sad. I really wanted to show him my skill. At the last moment he decided to stay in. I'm not sure if it was because the people who we were trying to help were being held hostage, or that he was trying to see things my way, but I was delighted none the less. He told me to hand him a ketchup bottle so he could put it in his shirt. He told me to do the same so we could make it look like we shot each other. I gave him one. We fought until we did the shot scene. I had the regular glass bottle, so I wasn't hurt. I gave Wolfwood a plastic one so I could see how much pain tolerance he had. He wasn't so happy about it. After we got up we started to fire at the thugs that wanted my head for the bounty. Wolfwood pulled out his cross and revealed his arsenal of weaponry. He pulled out a lot of guns and let a rain of bullets descend upon the enemies. Seeing him this passionate about shooting other people was like Christmas Day for me. I knew he had potential. Well we parted our ways once again, but I knew I would see him again just because all Rem Game players always gather at one point in time, or there can only be one, or suspense is subtle torture, or pain = good. Well It was something like that which Rem told me once.  
  
Day15: Well Milly went about her business and split up from Meryl and me to go grocery shopping. She said she would meet us in the next town. While I was doing my usual looking for prey-er-I mean looking for baddies to shoot- I mean looking for a better way to work for the ideals of love and peace! I got an offer from a caravan leader to do a killing job. I told him that I don't kill for the exact reasons I have said in my earlier entrees. He said I was just like they said, cruel and demented. I'm not cruel and psychotic, just a really good player. He said that I was too shoot not to kill. I was delighted to do the job. I said that long term pain was my specialty. He told me I was to use rubber bullets which really bummed me out. Well, I could pretend to shoot real bullets and act all badass ***REM GAME RULE#16: ALWAYS TRY TO LOOK BADASS IF YOU CAN*** I was quiet during the whole entire drive until Meryl asked me what type of Job I was doing. In tradition of badass I said it was a killing job. She then put a gun to my head. Man what a babe! I thought she was going to shoot my ear or something, but she backed down. I guess she determined that a headshot was too obvious. Smart and sexy -er I mean a smart move. I tracked down the targets I was supposed to and saw Milly and Wolfwood there helping them. I think I made the shots believable. My first headshots, and how good it felt to cause pain but not to kill. My employers were angry at me because they needed the boy alive. I told them to go away or I would do something unpleasant. I recall it involved the word castration and a rusty pair of hedge clippers, but I forget. What was funny though was how fast they ran. They probably overexerted themselves which would lead to early heart problem, man I am good. Milly was quite upset. I figured this out because the way she punched me and dislocated my jaw. I couldn't even tell that it was dislocated just looking at it. Then Wolfwood came and broke my sunglasses (good thing I have 2 pairs). Emotional pain, Rem's favorite pain to inflict, I prefer physical torture though. He discovered that the bullets were fake and explained to the others that they targets were safe. We let them go and I gave them the $1000 of the $2000 that I collected. Hey pentagrams, alter polish, dead mice, and goat's blood don't come cheap. Rem's Game is a very expensive living style.  
  
Day19: We stopped in a town just to relax. It was quite a nice day. I just sat on a bench thinking of Rem. I was thinking of how to show her how it is unable not to laugh while playing her game. Heh heh heh, liquid nitrogen. Then some kids hit me in the face with a ball and claimed it was an accident. Oh sure the old It was an accident trick. It stopped working for me after I got that sixty-billion double dollar bounty on my head. Guns can go off and hit people in the ribs by accident, I swear! I decided to scare them using my super suction ball head attack. I was implementing my early heart problem plan again. I bought ice cream for the kids to inflict early tooth decay as well. I saw a kid who was all alone. He shouldn't be alone, he must endure tooth decay just like all the other children. He refused my offer, I guess he knew my plan, smart kid. Then I got some telepathic vibes from this weird guy with long bangs who called himself Legato. He said he was a messenger to tell me that I would die today. I told him my reason why death is an awful thing. He laughed and called my a sick bastard (Three people already, must be a trend). He said he could kill all the people here if he wanted to. He then sent a image to my mind that he was crushing a kid's skull. I looked, worried that a broken skull be seen to easily. He had his hands up in the air, mocking me. Emotional torture, he had potential. He left me a present, a decapitated head. It wasn't a very good present. It wasn't bloody, that was a plus, but it was a head! ANYONE would notice a guy without his head or a head without its body. They blamed it on me just because I'm the most wanted man in the world, what prejudice. I sat in my cell and figured out who sent Legato. It was Knives, only a pansy like him would send someone else to find someone else to do the dirty work, and I mean dirty! Very messy, everyone could see the mess. He never was good at being a player, although he was a pretty good victim. I put on my scary blue eyed face, but Milly walked in to see it. I covered up with my pretty boy I'm innocent look (I don't want to make myself look guilty for this messy act!). Then this purple guy came in and said he trained his whole entire life to kill me. I dodged the bullets and ran. Not because I was afraid, because fighting a big purple guy with two huge caliber guns with bullets the size of my head would draw too much attention, leading to wounds being discovered. I ran fast and warned people to get out of the way, but it wasn't enough. The purple guy was too impatient and decided to shoot through the town to get to me. The whole western part of town was destroyed along with the people! HE WASTED VICTIMS!!! UNFORGIVABLE! I did my blue eyed thing and shot him in the face a few times to scare him. It worked, he ran off like a penis wrinkle. Meryl tried to talk to me, but lets just say I wasn't in the best of moods at the time. I set up a trap for him using the bank's safe and some explosives. I only had two bullets too. He fell for it and I used my two bullets to disarm his gun. He tried to use his rocket launcher to kill me, but I used my left arm gun to disable him. He said it was unforgivable not to have used it against him in the jail. It would have been unforgivable to waste a victim like that. I kicked him in the ribs and shoved my gun in his eye and was actually thinking about giving him a new and innovative head piercing. Then Rem's words came to me. If I shot him there he would die for real. That was as far as I could go to wasting a victim. Then and there I decided that I should go after Knives.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry sorry for the HUGE ASS delay. I was very busy with stuff. Well at least I got Chapter 3 out. I hope you enjoyed it! read and Review. and don't flame, because this little author FLAMES BACK!


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